Destroy All Humans! 2: Reprobed All Cutscenes The Movie HD

Forza horizon 4 transfer save game to steamadd xbox game pass to steam deck DESTROY ALL HUMANS! 2 - REPROBED game premier comrade mielenkov comrade agents thank you for coming heres what we know so far 10 years ago the united states government covered up an invasion by an alien race known as furons and their primary agent was this mirror cryptosporidium 137 dangerous unpredictable loud deceased so what is being problem the problem is that neurons can clone themselves and pose convincingly as human and they use these abilities to put cryptosporidium 138 the white house and the american people are not noticing right pull the other one even worse this new crypto club contains pure furon dna harvested from human brains by orthodox dirty mastermind of the invasion he also bears a mysterious new mutation referred to only as the package these aliens pose a dire threat to the soviet union comrades and so must be destroyed as we speak president crypto is in bay city attending a new cultural festival and orthopax conducting experiments in the furon mothership theres only one way to eat with such pain Music revolution uh-oh that cant be good greetings comrade mother russia sends her regards you expect me to beg human no little furon i expect you to die minds what crypto the mothership has somehow been destroyed and ive been blown to smithereens luckily i was able to download a copy of my exquisite mind into this hollow pox unit just before the ship exploded gee that is lucky virtual pox huh kinda constricting aint it well vegas cant be choosers i need to bring in some big guns i know where i can get my hands on some i did manage to jettison some data cores before the mothership was hit you might be able to recover some weapons from them if you can find any but it certainly wont be easy okay so where are the data cores thats just it they could have entered the atmosphere at any time in any place and therefore landed anywhere on the planet ive managed to locate only one it was ejected after my holopox unit so it landed quite nearby i didnt bring any with me figured uh heavy artillery aint exactly the smoothest way to charm the genes off a pacifist hippie chick oh i knew it i knew your unnatural interest in humans would bring us nothing but trouble whoa whoa whoa youre harsh in my buzz mellow out poxy easy for you to say you werent blown to pieces just seconds before restoring your own genitalia whats a data core you never studied did you a data core is a device used for storing weapons or other furon technology the outer casing is extremely dense and should have easily survived the fall to burn the only real trick will be finding them well i guess theres nothing left to do but scout the area and find that data core i dont understand it we blew that alien spacecraft out of the sky and yet the shriveled geriatric one somehow survived this jopas must be harder to kill than we thought i spit on them Music nonetheless inform the kremlin we shall proceed with the operation as planned tell them we need as much revelations they can ship as quickly as they can ship it ah agent orange and our american distributor he suspects nothing in fact he seemed quite enthusiastic about the whole idea he thinks hell be spreading revolution in a paper cup and so he will but not i think the sort he expects idealists they spit on them stalin he understood ideas may start revolutions but guns and gulags finish them well no matter soon the citizens of bay city will be embarking on a very bad trip Music uh Laughter jeez box my heads still spinning what the hell is going on around here why are those ruskies gunning for us frankly im more concerned with how the kgb managed such a successful twin strike theyre not usually so organized we need to find them crypto before they spring any more surprises i should have known the drugs the alcohol the loose chicks the signs they were all there its obvious those hippies were trying to lure me in so id let my guard down nice try hippies but im not just any mindless hedonist im the best dont worry pox ive got this covered ill wipe out every one of those bastards for what they did to my guns and you slow down crypto i doubt hippies had much to do with ambushing you and destroying the mothership oh damn on the other hand their brains dont provide much usable dna anyway so knock yourself out if youre so inclined okay so what i just start knocking on doors and doing the slice and dice you do not the kgb are hardly likely to hang around if you just start indiscriminately blowing away humans yeah well i was just brainstorming well stop ive done a little research in the criminal fires of the local constabulary apparently theres one informant in bain city who always knows whats going down on the streets they call him the freak the freak huh yeah ive heard about him cats got connections all over town hes kind of a burnout though from what i hear he doesnt even need drugs anymore he lives in his own personal mental lava lamp but if any of those stinky monkeys knows what the kgb are up to i bet he does and i suggest you locate him and find out what he knows all right enough chat im off to find her little hippie friend the freak Music hey there uh moon doggy im looking for a dude with his ear to the street the kids call him the freak you found him but im all tapped out man the heats coming down on me you know try me next week freak in all your drug induced visions im sure youve gained much uh wisdom hey im just trying to find me kamino man no different from you but i fried my share of brain cells thats for sure super which is why i seek your uh well for lack of a better word lets uh call it guidance right on seeker what can i do you for uh got any tips for dealing with the ladies ah las chicas you need patience man patience love neutral respect little grass doesnt hurt yeah yeah okay but uh lets say youre not exactly the patient type isnt there any way to close the deal a little faster being rich or handsome helps or if were talking hippie chicks you can go to jail for the cause that pops them open like steam on an oyster jail for the cause i dont get it is it the tattoos if you have to ask man lets say for the sake of argument that i cannot clone myself how do i live a long and healthy life sex sex and more sex and if you cant be with the one you love honey love the one youre worth wow you really are wise youre boring the love beads off of me here lets talk about something else well what i need is information what do you know about the ivans in the cheap suits who crashed our party you mean those kgb cats yeah those dudes are straight all right they make jack lord look like abby hoffman only they didnt crash man they were invited who invited the kgb to uh harsh our buzz from what i hear it was that cat who leads the commune i dont know his real name but he calls himself coyote bong water which is pretty righteous supposedly hes like this master of tantric meditation and spiritual healing oh i know his cats got the chicks eaten out of his hookah so hes catnip to las gata say amigo for sure all the chicks really dig him the most up to them coyote bongwater would be running that commune like a king which he practically is anyway okay you piqued my interest where do i find coyote bong water well from what i hear hes kind of paranoid he doesnt hang out at the park for long i heard hes got a pad someplace but i dont know where what i do know is hes cutting into my livelihood dudes been handing out this new turn on a drink like in a in a can he calls it revelate dang that a if you want him that youre in find some revelation youll probably find coyote bong water whats in this revelate stuff he claims its like an all-natural elixir that enhances your cosmic awareness or something bonewater says its the first shot in the global revolution against the man great great like the monkeys arent revolting enough already thanks freak i gotta go find coyote bong water i cant believe i just said that and next week well start one-on-one shakti tutoring ill be giving each of you private hands-on instruction in creonis potty the highest state of tantric arousal these sessions can run 10 hours so eat a good breakfast thats it for today remember wherever you go ill be there the shine in your japan the sparkle in your china bodhisattva yes again sunshine nice little setup guns cheap russian booze teenage bra burning hippie chicks man after my own heart if i had one then join us were about to free the people of this city soon theyll see the truth and embrace our beautiful new utopia the bay city super organic communal collective and compost farm are you with us man am i with you dude youre bogarting the brain stems im gonna have to kill you kill me run along comrade my men can handle this Music passive best what a grunt hows it hanging freak uh listen i need a little more info all right but worry it up will ya youre making me nervous hey freak you ever been to capital city yes i mean no what would i be doing in a town full of squares and politicians and i aint never been to thom neither heres the thing i found bong water but he got away before i could ice him whoa i dont know man you didnt tell me you were gonna get violent you didnt ask smart hippie okay okay maybe ive heard some things hes gone underground and come up with a new plan to distribute his revelrade Music okay so wheres bongwater hiding nobody knows man he just sends his goons out to spread the revelation sneaky huh just like a snake hiding in the grass but he cant hide forever i got a couple of pretty good weed whackers of my own great whats that wacko up to now get this somehow he got his hands on a whole bunch of blimps blimps whats he gonna do start a tire company its not whats on the outside man its whats on the inside yes hes gonna gas the whole city with revelate wow thats so wild it might just work well ill tell you this pong waters been drinking his own revelate if he thinks his schemes gonna work whatever hey you coming to jades party what no im gonna blow up bongwaters blimps full of rivoli didnt you hear me easy man mellow world what am i doing talking to this creep its the chinese fox we got a situation here bong water must be drinking his own product the freak says hes planning to fumigate bay city with giant blimps full of revelate gas great galaxies thats so moronic it just might work so lets get flying huh im itching for some serious payback not so fast my ultra violent minion my scan of the engine quad has revealed some critical damage ah crap the good news is ancient furon landing beacons were left here eons ago during the war with the martians if you can find and activate one of those beacons youll be able to summon your saucer neat trick and then i kick a little monkey ass Music Music good work getting the saucer here crypto no sweat it needs to be aired out every 5 000 parsecs or so it appears the saucer took a hit or 12 on the way here no no no dont say it im afraid we cant possibly take off until the engine is repaired ah man Music Music right on time to boogie you all right man so uh into politics that president huffmans doing a heck of a job aint he huffman are you high americas become like one giant orwellian nightmare thanks to lion corporate flunkies like him human race would be better off if he never been born well i cant argue with that just tell me where bong water is so i can whack him and get back to making hot monkey love when youre packing a new ferrari you dont want it gathering dust in the garage you know what im saying not really and pond water what can i say man nobodys seen the dude well nobody said prudence i guess whos prudence uh his insurance broker ah dear prudence no shes bong waters new protege kind of a revolutionista in draining anybody knows where bong waters at itd be prudence it sounds like a real firecracker maybe i should introduce myself all right im off to introduce myself to putin see if i can convince her to give up bong water brothers and sisters my name look princess we aint here for the opening act wheres coyote bong water sadly our leader coyote bongwater cannot be with us today because he is setting in motion a grand design to transform this entire city into a counter-cultural utopia bay city is about to become one big happy commune suck on that daddy you gotta be kidding me that patchouli rican nut bag he makes the rest of you hippies look lucid okay ill give you the patchouli but our beloved leader is not a nutbag he is a cosmic visionary a love child of the revolution wise in the ways of political spiritual and sexual healing hes a stinkin monkey with delusions of grandeur or a crook or both he is not hes a great man stinky monkey great man stinky minky easy princess pop another valium all right so whats bong water up to this time so how can coyote bong water possibly free the minds of a whole city the same way he freed our minds with revelate how did i know that was coming revelate uh i heard that stuff will give you a limp linguine lip linguini wiltshire vine tames your tiger chops down your magic beanstalk what a park full of potheads and youre telling me nobody heres ever had erectile dysfunction last time i open up to you people revelate sounds yummy to the tummy so uh where do i get me some thats the best part our brothers and sisters are about to deliver the final batch of revelation to our leader coyote fong water hes gonna pour it into the bay soon the masses are gonna be begging us to lead them in revolution those revelate trucks could be a serious pain in my ass and i havent blown anything up for at least 10 minutes Music so agent orange off come in uh i failed youll have to start the revolution without me yet yet but a city is useless to us now i mean have you seen these people they make these students in prague look like a meeting of the politburo we shall destroy this degenerate city and return to the soviet union with the spacecraft fragments we have managed to retrieve but what about freeing america from the tyranny of capitalist consumerism do not despair comrade the party will long remember your efforts to your deck at the nation you shall not have died in vain but in charlotte no no i wanted to save america not destroy it oh man what have i done excuse me sometimes its kinder just to put them down wow so our furon god is buried in effigy all over earth who to thunk oh yes ark foodle of the sacred crotch prodigious in size legend in potency and stamina you put me in mind of him crypto with your new clones pure furon dna and restored genitalia yes you are the spitting image of oh god go nuts the prophecy what what prophecy it foretells the coming of a savior who will reassert the sexual dominance of the furon race it is written in the holy book of pudenda and lo a son of arc foodle shall rise newly born to prepare ye for that day when ark foodle shall come again wait a minute it sounds incredible i know but crypto what if its true what if youre no one hmm i did take a red pill this morning okay just for the sake of argument lets say youre right how the hell am i supposed to bring about the second coming of arkhvoodle the scriptures say ark foodle will return when enough seekers believe in him again you mean like tinkerbell is something like that but crypto this is ideal humanity is desperate to reconnect the physical and spiritual all thats needed is for you to spread the good pickup line of ogfuda theyre bound to follow you you want me to start a cult basically hmm religion is the opiate of the masses i like it but how do i do it well humans tend to sublimate their individuality into tribal units bound by social and political commonality such groups are full of docile time to get religious hallelujah before you do it would be wise to go and seek the blessing of our himself what you mean one of those statues with a pigeon crap on it precisely seek the blessing of our poodle and your cult will prosper if you say so but im gonna feel like a putts weve got those kgb agents now crypto finally my gun was getting lonely man i hate those guys and i didnt think it was possible for anyone to wear worse suits and majestic pox i was kind of planning to go see this new russ meyer movie violent vixens vroom vroom looks like a blockbuster this is no time for film going our grip on this planet is at serious risk have you seen a meyer flick box its a religious experience so what you got on those sneaky monkeys bong waters last transmission betrayed the location of the kgb base of operations theyre working from an abandoned prison island in the middle of the bay prison island the kg beer holed up in australia no humans have many prison islands apparently its one area in which they are highly evolved the locals refer to this one simply as the rock okay then time to put the kgb between the rock and my hard place gotcha ill blast that island back into the ocean with the rest of the slime wait for it that agent orange off told bong water they were going to destroy the entire city somehow youd best scout the island first and find out what they have planned all right im going in to get a piece of the rock my patience is at an end gospel im shaking in my booties you guys make americans look clever silence the workers revolution is inevitable right you dont really know much about capitalism do you either i know corrupt corporations fatten themselves off the toilet of the american worker even as they pull the strings of the american government exactly you cant beat that kind of muscle not even with nuclear time bombs hidden all over bay city Music whoa ive had wet dreams that werent this good come lat destroy these documents before he finds out where the bombs are hidden fosovetsky soyuz damn it we need bay city hey ruski give me those stocks those documents you recovered in bay city were most informative it seems the soviet spy master agent oran chav is at large somewhere in this very city well he aint here for the weather thats for damn sure so those documents say where i might find our little buddy orange according to the documents hes established a secret base somewhere underground yeah i bet hes big into underground movements oh youre good that was very good have you ever thought about doing stand-up pay attention secret base underground well that shouldnt be too tough to scan the city while we were flying in yes but its useless this city is riddled with tunnels pipes and excavations galore its like a damp moldy sponge built on top of noxious swiss cheese vivid so what do we do i suppose youll have to swallow your pride and ask one of the natives ah not again i hate reading human minds theyre so simplistic like reading a pop-up book okay locate the tunnels infiltrate them and find agent orange off then squeeze hard indeed happy spelunking Music Music at last the infamous agent orange job look ivan im kind of in a hurry and between you and me i just as soon save the ammo so what do you say we skip the kalinka dance and you tell me what i want to know Music Music Applause okay Music not what i was expecting but if you think turning yourself into some kind of mutant freak is gonna stop me beating the answers out of you you got another thing coming youre ready Music Music hmm chicken kiev what the hell was in those cans revelate cant do that well done mr president well done indeed do i know you teabag no sir but i know you forgive me it seems best simply to stand clear and give you room to do what you do so well these soviets are rather slippery fish yes very slippery indeed but they do crack Music if youll follow me mr president i can promise you answers in abundance shall we Music i wonder if we might have a little chat now mr president yeah sure what the hey wait a second mr president i aint in my presidential disguise how do you know who i am they dont call it british intelligence for nothing oh boy okay you got my attention who the hell are you reginald ponsonby smythe at your service and her majesties although in her case the service is secret im with m16 the foreign intelligence agency whats with the suit somebody die in this line of work somebody always does besides just because im a civil servant doesnt mean i have to dress like one eh arent you a little overdressed as oscar wilde once said one should either be a work of art or wear a work of art and this suit is exquisite dont you think if you say so im uh more the wash and wear mylar type okay so im starting to get a little ticked off here these bastards blow up my mothership kill my boss screw up my pension plan and just when i track one of them down he turns into some kind of super powered freakazoid mozzarella monster i sympathize to be frank said we appear to be fighting a common enemy might it not be the better part of valor to join forces and pool our information ah i seem to be late for a previous engagement its been a pleasure mr cryptosporidium do feel free to drop by at your leisure i think youll find we have some mutual interests but excellent excellent ill expect you for lunch then splendid must dash what shaking ponzi this aint just a social call is it im afraid not im relieved to see you sir the soviets appear to be up to some mischief what kind of mischief are we talking about because if she says shes 18 you cant just call her a liar no no the soviet ambassador is throwing a party for the opening of an exhibit of russian modern art frankly its making me a bit nervous a number of albions vips are in attendance you know im starting to worry about you ponzi youre getting a twitch what exactly is it youre scareds gonna happen i dont know thats whats worrying me mainly im worried about all those vips mps captains of industry all gathered in one place its a disaster waiting to happen thank god i managed to dissuade her majesty from attending that could have been a real cluster um ouch my virgin ears so what you want me to get over there rough the ambassador up a little dear lord no i just need you to mingle with the crowd and check it out incognito as it were okay ill get a disguise wouldnt want my pretty mug to ruin anybodys appetite so modern art huh jackson pollock pees on a canvas and sells it for 50 grand i dont get it oh youre serious well i suppose it takes something of an educated eye to make sense of it educated eye what a croc i dont need a masters in art history to know what i like no no of course not but as modern artists become more abstracted it helps to understand the conceptual framework the artist had in mind you realize the players in the kitchen making nachos at this point right well you did that whole blue rider thing in the first game i just thought perhaps i know i know lead balloon city what are you gonna do okey-dokey smokey ill go grab a disguise and mingle with the in crowd excellent ill stay in radio contact in case you need me um shoot the humans all you want spaceman but youre only treating a symbol you want to get the disease you have to shoot the spores thanks cupcake always nice to meet a chick who can handle her guns you got a name the name is natalia im here to help you spaceman or do you prefer mr president mr what the does everybody on this dismal freaking island know who i am da pretty much at least everyone in my line of work oh so you work for panzenbee yet although after this little incident i may have to ask him for a job i worked for the comatet gosu darstanoi bezu peznosti why you make pasta im a secret agent with the kgb so youre a secret agent huh cause i got a package that needs delivering your eyes only dig i have three knives hidden on my body and im blindingly lethal with all of them now concentrate oh i think im in love the kgb are you yanking me oh for crying out loud youre not gonna try to assassinate me arya cause im a little winded i could use a second dont be ridiculous the fact is im not very popular in moscow at the moment i miss patriotic as the next coldly beautiful russian female but somethings changed in the kremlin its hard to put a finger on all i know is i cant just stand by and follow orders anymore i guess you could say ive gone rogue hmm what the hell do you think was in those statues hard to say its listed in official documents as gauche niev sounds tasty it loosely translates as either an incredibly lethal biological weapon or equals illegal performance enhancer for the soviet olympic team depending on the context why the hell would you turn your back on your own species to hook up with an alien invader from outer space first we are not hooking up and second why would i trust a furon over a kgb apparatchik because everythings gone bizumi spitting out orders that dont make any sense my colleagues transforming into irradiated monsters all hell is breaking loose somethings happening something very very wrong and i think im the only person on earth who knows it but not anymore ethevarish so what is it some kind of mutagen because i dont know what mutants are supposed to look like but actually no its a spore it infects a host through inhalation or skin contact but after a brief incubation period it seems to set about genetically rebuilding the victim into something not human you think somebody engineered it for the purpose you have a better explanation im just trying to put all the pieces together at first i thought it was being made here but now i am not so sure Music the schedules been moved up theyre about to shower these abominable spores all over the city you take the hyde park infestation ill handle the ones in soho and spaceman good hunting hiya hot stuff sorry to keep you waiting so whats the buzz baby tell me whats happening im so glad you asked baby i have to make my contact agent sergey he says hes got vital information for me unfortunately he fears they may be on to him so he and i cant be seen together and i should care because im not exactly kgb employee of the month crypto they may well have a hit squad out looking for me before i make contact with sergey anyone on my tail must be shaken or eliminated oh ill stick to your tail all right i figured although you do stand out in a crowd better get the disguise about this hit squad in my experience kgb men arent exactly subtle but this aint russia do they really think ponzinbee let them start a war in the streets you might be surprised reginald doesnt shy away from inter-agency scuffles hes had a price on my head for years reginald wait a minute are you telling me both sides are gonna be trying to kill us da pretty much ah man sohos like on the other side of the river and stuff its a hell of a long way from here how about we take a cab ill pay yet not enough maneuverability in case of trouble come on crypto itll be fun besides how often does a girl invite you out on a date to destroy some humans they huh dont get greedy this inside man of yours whats he found thats worth risking his life to get to you sergey feels as i do that someone or something has perverted the kgb and even the soviet government and people who ask why have had a troubling tendency to disappear hmm soviet dissidents disappearing youre right that is weird look can you really trust this guy sergey i mean how do we know hes not playing both sides i trust him implicitly sergey and i we have a history look not that i wouldnt love to ride your tail to soho but i just dont get why you need me to play bodyguard have you any idea how many kgb agents there are in albion right now all because of you given all the heat youve brought down on my investigation its the least you can do so lets say i help you out whats in it for me aside from your bewitching company of course a piece of your mothership sergey has agreed to procure it for you in exchange for your help in this matter how does that sound like a gas although i would have done it for your company youre such a gentleman crater walking me to my car your car oh wait a minute well what about your pal sergey you said he was meeting us here oh no sergeys in canal side i just needed to be certain wed shaken off any kgb tales but the curse looks clear this would be an excellent time to call your saucer my saucer you didnt say anything about my saucer what do you need that for because you wont be able to keep up with me on foot once i start driving silly besides the kgb will surely bring out their heavy artillery soon so you may want to even the odds with a little air support you understand dont you yeah i get it you just want me for my saucer and your bewitching company what about what i was after its been arranged a piece of your spaceship has been hidden nearby here are the coordinates okay okay just give me a second to get it here thank you tovaresh ill wait for you to take off so thats her contact smarmy looking bastard damn it crypto focus shes just a chick a human chick you barely know her a hideous repulsive human chick who smells really good no no focus damn it i found what i was after just thought id say goodbye i might not see you for a while good hunting space man and try not to get yourself killed at least not too often Music morning ponds and bee you rang hmm this better be good i was this close to second base with princess margaret i appreciate you coming on such short notice sir this is of the greatest importance oh well look im sure you got doctors over here who can take care of it right probably wont even keep her overnight whos the chica you dont mind my asking no its its nothing so personal i dont want to be overheard wed best whisper what was so so sleepy Music ew lower life forms when will they ever learn ah my head feels like tiny tim just whacked me with a ukulele what happened oh god youre back with us again i trust you comfortably tipsy how do you feel like a million bucks never better how come theres two of you lets try four ccs of demerol switch circuits to level three and prepare the encephalogram now i want you to tell me all the good things you remember about your mother mommy no mommy not the hot iron again ill be good i promise subject is fighting the effects of the serum perhaps another approach would be more effective the buffins have been examining your weapons power sources cryptosporidium were all quite curious as to how the stored mu phase pulse is channeled in the first place ah keep it up pons and me that barrier cant stand up against my uh psychokinesis forever and when it goes to the moon ponzi clearly deranged phenobarbital will put an end to that mischief Music we know you have it tell us where it is tell us or its the ludovico treatment for you eyelids peel back excruciating torture endless hours of ludwig van uncle orthopoxy said im not supposed to talk to strange life forms good calibration complete now then get some rest to cryptosporidium we can continue in the morning attention attention security bridge in abscess facility codes crowbarty dogger and military are enforced repeat what was what was all that about oh my freaking head this gas is noxious smells like poxs underwear dont ask me how i know that hey hey what the ah damn dirty apes where the hell am i youre in the abscessed mental reconditioning facility under the streets of albion looks like i got here just in time now come on spaceman move your ass i dont get it why are you helping me because i know now youre the only one i can trust anyway who else is going to rescue you box man i have never been so glad to see you actually ive never been glad to see you but i am now serves you right for trusting a human what in the musky name of our food will happen down there well i uh i ran into a little static with ponzinbee nothing major little wham-bam thank you maam and he was history and i was out of there is that so then why didnt i hear you shooting back at him moronic monkeys probably took the rifle apart to wipe their monkey butts with or study it looks like they tried cracking it open with brute force and succeeded only in breaking it well have no fear this i can fix Music i expected id find you here youre quite sporting crypto and i do admire your spirit but at some point one simply has to face the fact that the other mans won now of course you couldnt know who youre up against m16 or perhaps i should say majestic command sixteenth sector by the way i have you surrounded take off now and my surface-to-air launchers will destroy you and your precious saucer the only way youll leave here alive is in my custody come now theres no need for any unpleasantness its undignified its beneath us youve lost fair and square now be a man and show a little sportsmanship theres a good fellow you bastard you finally did it m16 was all there was left the last of the majestic agencies all the others the french the mongolian station the argentinians every one of them destroyed by aliens that last round must have scrambled your synapses i only took down the american majestic silhouettes majestic you think this is all about you Laughter oh the irony beaten by a solipsistic simpleton from space you actually believe youre the only the only what leave it alone crypto the man was in the throes of a violent demise and clearly not in his right mind now youve had your fight can we please just go Music remind me again why we couldnt meet someplace class here like i dont know a meat packing plant hey cupcake my face is leaving in 15 minutes you wanna be finished that line and i blow your cooy off touchy what shaken sexy im worried tavares my sources are running dry i cant risk further suspicion being cast on old friends the time has come for action action well its about freaking time what you got in mind burglary im going to break into the soviet embassy hey sexy what do you say you and me just chuck all this for the night check into the savoy order up some oysters test the bed springs ill teach you the venus butterfly i already know it and im allergic to shellfish get lost for lodge little the old b and e huh now youre talking my lingo whats the snatch all top secret information is in a heavily defended part of the compound the cryptography room right on thats practically my middle name well my only name so i noticed im sure well find all the answers we need in there im sorry to disappoint you crypto but they seem to know all my old tricks the north lawn has been mined the old gate has been sealed up theyve even placed closed circuit cameras on the only other wall cameras are no problem im the president ive learned how to deal with paparazzi crypto smash you know what im saying youre sure because once you start smashing it wont be long before the kgb shows up to investigate trust me efficient destruction is one of my fortes i dont doubt it good luck to varish so you find anything juicy project solaris is accelerating coded traffic to the kgb station in takoshima tripled in the last month i also managed to get my hands on some cargo manifests well that ought to clear things up a little so youd think but what sort of operation uses seven tons of missile uranium 340 liters of human blood and 92 cases of spam youve obviously never been to the pentagon christmas party Music where is taka wants it anyway takoshima its a volcanic island nation in the pacific off the coast of china well have to watch our step dos vadanya see you there hey goldie uh where are you going if we split up they cant get us both besides i cant hold your hand forever space man hey doll face where does an alien go to have some fun around here krito takoshima is a melting pot of ancient and modern human cultures it has a rich history and a vibrant popular culture okay save me the history lesson how do i get into this melting pot youll need to get to know the people who live here first the villagers the urbanites the police the ninjas wait a minute ninjas they got ninjas in 1969. eh go with it who doesnt love ninjas and believe it or not we are not the only foreigners here this place is crawling with kgb they get around dont they Music you always invite me to the nicest places and then you never let me destroy him krito were on foreign ground we have to be careful careful schmearful ive been a model of self-restraint but theres only so much i can take sooner or later natures gonna take its course and when it does well dont say i didnt warn ya youre so impulsive leggy little boy little ah missy case you hadnt noticed im packing a howitzer over here no no its a good thing i havent left in a long time theres not a lot to laugh about in my country oh okay i guess you still think im sexy right i think youre one of a kind right on so whats the scoop whatd you drag me down here for a reliable source has told me that there are kgb agents waiting for a package exchange somewhere in takushima city i need you to go down there intercept the package and bring it back to me easy as thought that sounds like a good idea in theory in theory well im not here in a lot of room for boom boom in this plan receptive as always if you screw up the package exchange you will be blown to smithers the smithereens no thank you adjusted intercept the package huh okay how do i do that nothing you cant handle youll need to disguise yourself as a kgb agent and talk to the courier when he arrives hell probably be a bit on edge if you approach him as crypto hell most likely destroy the package some people have no appreciation for beauty you know im starting to feel a little taken for granted here yeah im not just your little messenger boy crypto is that what you think i dont see you that way at all look if you do this for me i promise ill make it worth your while like venus butterfly worth my while more like i let you blow something up worth your while okay but i get to use nukes uh greetings comrade so youre uh youre going home to the wife ski pretty soon huh duh it will be being good i have been missing your vodka pancake syrup man your wife really takes care of you huh she must be like the best chick in the whole soviet union oh youre being right i will be glad to get home got any vodka of course what is good day to being here with moss being without vodka weak local alcohol is only giving me headache luckily i will be returning home soon lucky bastard but uh you dont like saki huh saki oh i spit on it hes smelling like cesspit and tasting like pain i actually dig sake its um subtle have you losing all sense of patriotism im just saying also you gotta admit these tankishmese women are pretty uh how do you say easy on the eyes you are lacking foreign alcohol and women so you got the uh item what is being hurry is good to finding other tavares uh its just that i i hate fresh air yeah plus i got no sunscreen and it just seems like every day you read something else about sun damage wrinkles you know boy what is happening to stout soviet spirit i guess youre right hey its better than hunting tiny gray spacemen yet is true even when dying small spaceman is coming back hes hes like zombie cockroach we ought to get on with it of course now you are walking away as if not knowing me duh you got it comrade thanks a million say hello to the wife ski dos for donation lets have a peek shall we oh cross no i did good huh tavares you did very good these documents contain details of the local arm of project solaris apparently its located in a top secret research facility hidden somewhere on takoshima island and well find it yeah first thing in the am meantime how about you and me dig up a karaoke bar and a couple of bottles of sake and build ourselves a memory i do a mean sweet caroline drop the package in your death will be quick and merciful oppose us and you will be subjected to your own personal gulag of pain hey monkeys you mind im trying to put the ooze may on the ichi why crypto is that your native tongue it sounds so sensual business before pleasure oh that was a close one i wasnt sure we were going to make it thanks for the help to varish ive got some things to take care of catch up with you later Music hey holopoxy long time no see where you been oh thats right listen crypto i havent time for your jive talking weve business to attend you park all you want poxy you dont have a mothership hell you dont even have a hand to slap me with dont cross me crypto im still your superior officer and i have friends in high places big talk from a guy who doesnt even have a real mouth come to think of it youre at my mercy i could do anything i want and you literally cant lift a philanderpod to stop me i dont need phalangeapods to stop you im in the computer crypto i control everything the steering the life support everything i could kill you with a thought its a snail mate Laughter well played poxy takashima oriental setting and the city dont know what the city is getting theyd better not start singing about chess i did notice some unique plant life beyond the zen temple yeah well if its a plant im sure the monkeys have figured out how to smoke it its no laughing matter crypto it seems to be causing them to lose their furionity wait a second you mean exactly its degrading the furon dna in their genome to the point of uselessness coincidence i dont think so okay what kind of business risky shady does it involve explosives well not yet i need you to investigate something of the highest importance by picking up an unlicensed radio transmission coming from somewhere on the island i want you to listen to the broadcast and find out the location of their base another pirate radio broadcast are there any legal radio stations left on this planet work with me here crypto whose base the white ninja cults who are broadcasting the message i believe theyre in possession of pieces of our poor mothership and theyre planning to blow them up ninjas again hello its 1969 what are ninjas doing in 1969 go with it besides who doesnt love ninjas okay lets do this thing how do i start i have mocked a radio on your navigation map get a disguise find the radio and flip through the stations until you hear the white ninja broadcast then listen for a clue as to the whereabouts of the white ninja base here i am a real live alien now bow down before me ninja why heck should i who are you i am cryptosporidium of the planet furon yeah todays your lucky day sparky true you look like furon but how can i be sure well for one thing i could blast you monkeys back to the muromachi period wanna say threats meanings you could be custom toddler with nuclear warhead for all i know try me i aint no toddler and this aint no costume perhaps but too furon could answer all these questions correctly if you fail so sorry you must die then again if you furan you can clone yourself and come right back and everybody happy okay sparky well do it your way hit me who was spiritual leader of hippies in bay city i know this one it was that wacko coyote bong water lucky guess you wish give me my spaceship fragments pajama boy not so fast i have more questions Music hey im on a roll bring on the next one attend which are following not in bay city a stonewall bar i aint that on christopher street in the village not that id have any reason to know that indeed it is and therefore not in bay city impressive and the hits keep coming whats next sparky secret kgb base in bay city were hidden can i phone a friend i i forgot the question where was secret kgb base in bay city i know this one the kgb had their base on that prison island the rock they did indeed that answer correct all right i played your little game now hand over the prize i gotta see a chick about a chubby silence im still not completely convinced of your furority fine bring it pj where agent orange off hiding out in albion duh in the abandoned tunnel network how do you know all this stuff anyway correct but none of your business pretty convenient aint it come on come on i aint got all day then riddle me this what happened to hipsters who came to happening okay i know it was something about hipsters its its on the tip of my brain question very simple what happened to hipsters who went to happening they gave up revel aid to get high on brain stems hmm partly true but partly true is still partly wrong okay last question sparky what organization ponson be really in charge of oh baby majestic 16 for the win thats correct so howd i do huh huh whatd i tell you right furon city baby results conclusive and then it is true you are an alien we worship you o lord from beyond Applause Music as a token of our faith oh lord we offer unto you our most ancient and holy artifacts handed down from an age beyond the memory Applause Music i was kind of hoping for geisha girls apostates and unbelievers we will fight to death in your name o lord but first we must compose our death hi cruz cue them all and seize their precious artifacts hey nobody screws with my cult but me we give you thanks oh lord for this victory piece of cake now now about those geisha girls yippee i know in honor of this mythic triumph a victory haiku still gleans in sunlight limbs go flying bathed in blood tarantino-esque catchy i dont suppose you got a haiku describing any super secret kgb bases hidden around here we do secret hidden base put there by the kgb where the hell do you go our spiritual leader dr goh might be able to guide you to enlightenment and secret base but im afraid dr goh has been kidnapped by why kgb match okay time to find the good doctor hey matrioshka doll have i got news for you you know nat weve only known each other a short time but in that time ive come to know the true meaning of the word love capisce crypto how sweet and yet completely inappropriate right its just the thing is was thinking we could go back to my saucer a little wine and dinner i make a mean fusilli oh thats a lovely invitation crypto and something but we have work to do that dont sound like a no to me that sounds like uh maybe its a maybe later now focus hey nat what do you know about ninjas only what ive seen in history books and of course ninja movies apparently the big question in the ninja world is which ninja faction you swear loyalty to sort of a jets and sharks deal huh okay what are the choices at the moment there are only two black or white ive seen the black ninjas not bad in a sparring match but i can handle them be careful krito black ninjas are calculated killers cruel and vicious huh didnt realize we had so much in common what you got for me ill show you mine if you show me yours me only information that may lead to the discovery of the secret base tasty whats the catch its being held by a mysterious figure who goes by the improbable name of dr go oh yeah i know all about dr goh really then you dont need me to tell you where hes being held mom well my i just like hearing you say it uh-huh the real catch is dr goh has been kidnapped and taken to castle let me guess and i gotta kick some ninja monkey butt to get him back thats right youre really catching on to this bye game crypto well im not generally in the habit of rescuing humans im or the torturing type but uh if it leads to the secret base for you baby anything my name is luke uh cryptosporidium im here to rescue you you you are furon thats right and this is the greatest day of your life man that is one tight suit how the hell do you breeding that thing small discomfort i endure in wearing suit pairs in comparison to joy my wearing it gives to others others like you ladies of takoshima and gay and bi-curious men first things first wheres the secret kgb base but but you said you were here to rescue me yeah but the base locations really all i need youre kind of optional more trouble than youre worth really no deal if you do not rescue me kgb will kill me then you will never find the base nah damn well played egghead hey uh no offense doc but uh arent you supposed to be worshiping me and so i will when you perform act of divine alien greatness comparable to deeds of art foodle okay how about this ill deliver you from certain death if you tell me where the damn kgb base hows that sound sparky i dont think you understand the situation go go i dont have to rescue you i could just leave you here for the kg boneheads you like that option logic defeats you i cannot escape without you you cannot find base without me youre insidiously clever for a monkey you know that and you are amusingly dim for a furon stare mate and kgb will be here any moment well at least i get to kill somebody stick close doc if we cannot contain a virus we have no choice but to kill the cure wow wow way to mangle those cliches pal whos translating this stuff anyway yes me you fellas how to get your money back let me show you how its done yippee kaye mother russia good morning dr go i dont see him anywhere hey you know i saved your life doc least you could do is thank me thank you this is an insult i will not say those two words yeah well how about these three dont kill me um dont kill me come on doc say it like you mean it if you need some extra motivation dont kill me please dont kill me thats more like it now just keep saying that and it might even keep you alive you look a little rough around the edges doc man not that i care i would not expect you to care but yes i was roughed up by some ninjas you had to take better care of yourself youre no good to me dead not to myself i suppose you are ready to correct on our bargain check out the big brain on doc yeah its time for you to pay up in information no beating around the bamboo dock i want the location of the kgb base fair enough the base is inside the volcano but no buttstock or i go all iron chef and get out the monkey cookbook no no its just you need three security codes to access base okay what are they if i had them i would tell you but sadly i do not oh this just gets better and better one code is held by kgb reader agent sasha soy sorsky the second is kept by enigmatically beautiful professor yuki so the code is in my briefcase which was stolen by black ninja and taken back to their base well at least now i know the score now start with the black ninjas in your code good plan and while you are finding my code i will try to ascertain locations of other two code keepers right on im off to fry some black ninjas and find that damn briefcase oh here you need key to open briefcase dont lose it only one i have ninja brother whats your purpose here you know i got some info that could really help us do a number on the white ninjas oh no we not want trouble trouble are you nuts im telling you we could kick their asses youre crazy we never actually fight white ninja how you think we last so long youre telling me all this ninja clan saber rattling is just for show of a course you think we want to get killed those white ninjas not mess around unbelievable well this is the sorriest freaking thing i ever heard you guys are nothing but a bunch of true but alive ah nothing special just thought id check on the briefcase oh yeah looks pretty secure stupid case very secure anyone want to take they have to fight buku black ninja yeah i have to be pretty dumb to take on a whole base of black ninjas i or who even think of trying die thousand horrible deaths hiya doc okay one down where do i find the next code doc it resides with my ex-girlfriend enigmatically beautiful professor yuki youre pulling my pud you actually got a chick to go out with you oh yes and when she hears of my escape from black ninja i know shell want me back uh yeah and where do i find the old flame go go she frequently tends to zen rock garden in zen temple i bet shes a hottie huh doc sexy lady foxy mama huh please dont kill her no promises konnichiwa can i help you professor yuki i presume i am got good news professor your main squeeze doctor go is escape black ninja custody that is good news indeed but you are mistaken we are no longer involved maybe not but i gotta tell you the good doctor would love to see you really why should i see him because uh because why just because look there is picture of me under one of rocks in zen garden find that picture and give it to him i think of him fondly but that is the only thing i have left to give him my heart has moved on like summerstorm whats up doc it kills me every time got a nice picture of your girl for my wallet doc candid if you catch my drift now where do i find the last code sakai jean who stole yuki from me has a final code cast him and his ancestors he is a kgb division head called sasha soy sorsky now thats what i call a subtle gag where do i find this tongue twister he is holed up in kgb building in takashima city i think perhaps he is depressed but in any case i fear youll have to destroy a whole building to get him out why doctor surely youre not suggesting i kill him i dont know what youre talking about uh-huh and its just a coincidence the ruskis making time with your chica right dont worry doc ill wreck the place good and take the code from his dead red fingers whats the buzz foxy mama so you me jacuzzi chocolate syrup what do you say im allergic to chocolate wow no kidding thats gotta suck soviet chocolate is made from mud anyway plus i have to fit into this outfit and on behalf of oversexed aliens everywhere let me just say thank you guess who now knows the location of the secret base its the volcano i know but we need codes to get in i know where to find the first we could do what you were gonna say or i could reach into my pocket and pull out crypto you have the codes this is wonderful what are they i love you not now krito we have work to do tell me the security codes those are the codes also whos on first whats on second and i dont know whos on third now then im off to infiltrate the secret kgb base dont wait up very funny crypto im coming with you uh no youre not its too dangerous your chauvinism is touching crypto but i dont take orders from you dont be stupid nat in case youve forgotten you cant just reclone yourself and in case youve forgotten you dont know how to operate the access terminals outside the base ah youre the most infuriating female monkey ive ever met thats your problem to you im always female monkey why cant i just be monkey be whatever you want i just dont want you to be a dead monkey crypto thats the sweetest thing youve ever said to me yeah well i just dont want to lose my shot at sinking the pink oh thats all of course i understand all right enough meaningful chit chat lets climb this smoke bomb so Music wow Music Music the hamuha unfortunately the quality of certainty of these experiments demands i maintain a safe distance its heisenbergs world i just play in it experiments what are you talking about im so pleased you asked weve prepared an educational multimedia presentation for just such a promise isis and the summer intern for credit at the illegal kgb base here in takoshima oh again a good soviet worker she was happy to volunteer for top secret experiment this twitter handle experimented watch how modern miracle of quantum radiation transforms kojira bringing out her Music oh i love that film i must have seen it a hundred times sadly however the two of you will never see it again why because sequence initiated thank you for coming and have a very pleasant day we need those data tape space man ill grab them and meet you outside no kids hey poxy finally kicked you out of the geisha house huh you figure out where that ginormous monster went not for certain but im picking up a signal in the ocean to the south yeah what kind of signal a radiation signature emanating in gamma waves from the creatures tortured brain tortured yes its as if the monster is crying out thats gotta be the most pathetic thing ive ever heard look pox eh explain this monster to me the ivans cant even make a decent wristwatch how the hell they come up with the technology to turn a summer intern into that ive been trying to figure that one out myself and i keep coming to the same conclusion they didnt what are you suggesting im not sure but theres more than good old-fashioned russian can do spirit at work here youre telling me those people have all the initiative of a normal convention so you want me to hunt down this monstrosity and put it out of its misery actually i want you to read its mind and into it the source of its cognitive dissonance so we can get it some help and over time teach it confidence and self-esteem you gotta be kidding me of course i am your mutation now dont kill that thing okay okay but how do i find it do i have to you get in your saucer and fly to the spot marked on your radar look for bubbles on the water thats a pretty good sign theres a monster so then what i just dropped some fat boys into the water and blow it up unfortunately no your salsas weapons are ineffective underwater youll have to figure out some way to get the beast to surface first and then i play a little whack a lizard got it me Music dont oh me dont crush me Music oh brains my lives are flashing before my eyes they all die the same okay that was a little different what have you done to that poor girl ah for once its not what it looks like i dont even know what it looks like never mind we dont have time now i just received word from sergey my contact the kgb he says theyre building project solaris at a soviet base in siberia the town is called tunguska its a little remote no kid because i thought everything in russia was 20 minutes from everything else Music tick-tock doll face so this is tunguska yikes its good to be back in the ussr but this place makes the rest of siberia look tropical Music looking good goldie that outfit could melt an iceberg thanks youre welcome to borrow it sometime if you like Music yeah little nippy i better incinerate something for heat before my tool falls off cant have that but i think we can arrange an opportunity for creative combustion we need to gather intelligence on project solaris want to help me out you know it sugar what do you need me to do im not sure yet ill know more after agent sergey briefs me sergey ah man not him again yes him again hes been here for weeks digging up intel on project solaris yeah hes a regular double o seven off whats he got that i aint got hair for one thing here he comes let me do the talking Music Music ukraine girls knock me out moscow girls make me shout its good to see you sergey natal yushka you look devastating as usual i know but we have no time for further verbal foreplay what can you tell me of project solaris not as much as id like there is a classified area nearby obscured day and night by a cloud of radioactive gas i believe it is the source of the insidious organic weapons being used to subjugate our motherland the area plans are kept in a high security section of kgb headquarters can you sneak us in you and your little zeitchik i dont see how now if it were just the two of us jealousy sergey though the fire fades come red the embers may get smolder thank you comrade well find our own way in now go you mustnt be seen with me so exactly what kind of history do you have with this sergey guy exactly the kind you think crypto not that its any of your business hey see whoever you want you can bang the red army chorus for all i care your permission is noted now can we get to work sergey who does he think he is omar sharif i mean look at the guy what is he bench 80 85 tops he wrestles bears Music okay so how do we get our hands on the plans sergey says well have to sneak into the kgb headquarters and steal them oh sergey says that does he he does the odds will be against us the place is swarming with agents well krypto says bring them on the more the freaking merrier okay then actually you might be onto something there creep though if you can create a large enough disturbance it might lure most of the agents out of the building and while im playing monkey ball youll sneak in and grab the plans gotcha okay doll face im off to stir up the soviets be careful in there you hear me dont worry krypto you keep them occupied and ill be just fine whatever you do just keep them away from the hq building good luck not bad huh if theres one thing i can do its make with the boom boom admit it goldie im your knight in a shining space suit and you just cant resist me im resisting you right now kryto and youre wearing my lar pajamas damn Music so how about those plans you swipe they the real deal or what i just had time to cleanse them quickly before the alarms went off there seemed to be a number of tunnels and a lot of security around them and it looks like the tunnels have these bizarre organic pumps inside which are whats pumping the radioactive gas over the area so i take it were gonna put these organic pumps out of business da but a direct assault would be dangerous i need to talk to some people lay low for a while to varish ill be back soon why do they always ask me to do the one thing i suck at dobre dentovaresh Music hey nan if i said you had a great body would you hold it again i like you crypto but i will neuter you if i have to fair enough hey gorgeous do you find out any more about those tunnels what i found is a scientist who works in the organic weapon technology program here he knows all about the machines in those tunnels i uh persuaded him to talk Music so you persuaded the scientist to talk huh did he survive the persuasion violence isnt the answer to everything crypto for example have you noticed the male to female ratio in this village you sly dog hey all i did was sit there whatd you find out is there any easy way to shut those things down those pumping machines are actually organic little nuclear reactors incredible not to mention highly unstable a nuclear fuel rod placed inside one will overload it and cause a meltdown and there just happens to be a nuclear plant in town ought to be a few fuel rods lying around exactly if you get some fuel rods sergey and i will smuggle them into the tunnels Music okay goldie ill get your fuel rods for you but i expect a big reward agent sergey is acquiring some transportation as we speak hell meet you when you find him you can ask him for your reward Music whoa look at that finished already and here i was just getting started course i work out dont know if you knew that thank you crypto sergey and i can take it from here ill bet hey how about i just stick around and help you out myself you know since im already here im sure sergeys a busy guy you know embassies to bug dissidents to torture youre very generous crypto but i think he can find the time ill rejoin you once he and i have disabled the machines in the caves until then try and stay out of trouble well that wasnt condescending so he makes time with my girl while i sit around and twiddle my phalangepods is that it well homie dont play that i made it through a whole nother game all by myself i dont need anybodys permission to knock some monkey heads certainly not some chicks hows it hanging little to the left hey not bad goldie so you and you and sergey hes really something where the two of you mean at the kgb academy actually no kidding what was he the janitor as a matter of fact he finished second in our training class i got three guesses who came in first and they all start within Music i think that was part of the attraction hed never lost to a girl before wonder if hes ever lost to a furon so what happened your kids seem made for each other he wanted me to quit its not easy always being second best i expect tell me about it the soldiers shut down the pumps in the tunnels with those fuel rods yet too much kgb heat on the tunnels because of the theft i should have seen it coming anyway its too dangerous for sergey and me to infiltrate them now well we gotta shut those pumps down whole town smells like newark oh we will crypto have no fear and this time i want you on the job i need you to carry a fuel rod into each of the tunnels and place it in the reactor of each of the pumping machines sergey and i have hidden a container of fuel rods near each tunnel wait yeah you lost me didnt you say the tunnel entrances were crawling with kgb no but not while the scientists conduct their weekly radiation tests no sweat face consider those pumps out of order so look at those bad boys burn hold the phone what are these freaks want wait a minute now that i think of it that machinery looks suspiciously familiar oh my holy hookers of ark poodle crypto do you know who these freaks are theyre not commie cabbage heads great galaxies no theyre not even human theyre the enemy our enemy the enemy we funerals defeated in the martian war crypto their bliss lisk wait a minute i thought we wiped the blisk out i have no explanation i can barely believe my senses but a few of them must have somehow survived not for long attention bliss i am cryptosporidium of the planet furon this planet is now a territory of the furon empire and your asses belong to me im glad youre here we need to hunker down and do some serious strategizing you know any place i can get one of those big furry hats my ears are freezing off you dont have any ears see thats what im saying Music tell me about it you gotta fill me in on this whole blisk thing pox my my hard drive is spinning i hardly know where to begin theyre huge hideous brutes with giant claws and withering halitosis they have a single hive mind and an imperviousness to radiation they take to it like a pig to mud imagine a cockroach meeting with a lobster boy enough already youre making me queasy humans assume the tunguska blast of 1908 was caused by a meteorite but now we know its true cause the fiery crash of a blisk warship listen i i skipped most of military history howd that war get started anyway millennia go mars was an ocean world and the blisk ruled an underwater paradise frankly they were more than a little cocky about it the war was long and bitter but in the end we reduced their worlds worldly desert and wipe them out or so we thought we obliterated most of their warships the one we could not account for we assumed it had been destroyed but it must have been merely disabled and drifted helplessly through space until it crash landed here on earth and im guessing the crabbies aint the forgiven time after what we did to them not bloody likely yeah well dont you worry your virtual little head pox this time theyre going down for good a bold statement many furons fell thanks to the blisk and theres another problem since the war the furon defense budget has been downsized i fear that most of our current weapons will be ineffective against the blisk Music downsize the defense budget what the hell did the emperor do that for the bliss were exterminated no one else posed such a lethal threat we didnt need the big guns but none of us saw this coming okay well at least we know what were up against what do you want me to do ill contact you with new orders as soon as i have some idea whats going on until then just dont do anything rash rash me nah i got a cream for that cleared to ride up previews comrade get to the point sergey im a busy furon i have a lead on project solaris you might want to follow up on it project solaris huh okay im listening i have the name of the researcher in charge of the organic weapons program his name is dr and no end thats it look ivan lets cut the crap we both want the same thing and we cant both have her true enough but in this matter choo choo we too are comrades we both need to uncover the cancer devouring the heart of the soviet union you got me there but what about natalya natalya is a glorious mayor who will suffer no bridle Music that is why we desire her poetic and creepy Music okay so you got a name where am i supposed to find this orlov guy i have been unable to discover his current whereabouts but this is a small town everyone knows everyone elses business and i got one of those faces everybody opens up to although i doubt orlov will be in a talky mood do what you have to do gee that really means a lot coming from the kgb okey-dokey good luck comrade and dont be afraid to get a little rough well you cant make an omelet without breaking a few faberge eggs wow ah help help dead monkeys tell no tales and i need to pick this ones brain about project solaris crap better save his monkey butt dr orlov i presume how come you dont get cool punctuation like dr go i dont know what youre talking about Music looks like you had a little kgb infestation lucky i was here to exterminate them for you oh was you im impressed excellent hand-eye coordination you should try computer game ive been developing in spare time games on a computer youre wasting your time doc so doc you got a sec i need to ask you a few questions oh is all i was afraid you were one of alien creatures here to infect me listen aliens dont come any scarier than me when i infect you youll know it bling suddenly i feel vaguely aroused thats the end of that conversation branch well as you can clearly see im no alien now about project solaris ah solaris da that i know something about i worked on organic weapons program connected with project solaris but i quit after i saw very strange things define strange alien creatures like giant space lobsters infecting humans and manipulating their bodies like giant marionettes like that i feared i might be next so i started working on weapon to fight them with is probably why kgb attacked me or they wanted my broadway soundtrack collection you actually think the kgb was after your collection of show tunes why not fiddler first pressing alone worth 40 000 rubles on black market 40 000 jeez what is it with these currencies who runs your economy abby hoffman you are just jealous because i have copy of hair original off-broadway soundtrack signed by jerome ragny i dont even know what the hell that means this weapon you were working on does it work i dont know i never finished it whole thing happened by chance i was walking to work one day when strange object fell from sky was fragment of alien spacecraft computer databank i used to create weapon an alien artifact with data on the blisk will wonders never cease duh and if you found it perhaps you could use it to defeat creatures okay i think im starting to get the picture wheres this data thingy now should still be in the research facility in gorodak naoki um science town catchy i guess i better head over there and find it before the krabbies do take care facility is well guarded good luck to varish what did you say name was ah kuryakin ilya kuryakin nice to meet you hello how nice of you to drop by hey pax what do you get when you put 60 blisk warriors in a blender i dont know what do you get when you put 60 blisk warriors in a blender chowder okay pox what are we gonna do about these krabby bliss theyll undoubtedly kill us if we dont kill them first therefore theres only one thing we can do destroy them starting with their crashed warship unfortunately as discussed its whole is impervious to furon weaponry it does however have a weakness the main thruster protected by an armored hatch open that hatch crypto and then bring on the boom boom you are so cute when you do that are you sure my saucer cant finish that warship off it looks totaled well it cant fly but it still makes an impregnable base your salsa cant put a dent in it you see during the martian war furon nuclear weapons were the envy of the galaxy but we converted to conventional arms after our little dna mutation issue and believing our supremacy unchallenged diverted resources to other more frivolous concerns such as poverty education health care trivia utter trivia occurs our damned complacency so just cause little jeremy wants to read my saucer cant do squat against the krabbys goddamn politicians Music so how do i get this thruster hatch open its got to be locked down tight it is and my scans reveal the hatch controls have been disabled it seems the blisk have removed the nexus crystals powering the circuit but not destroyed them those crystals are still around somewhere im reading a faint nexus signature somewhere inside the blisk base find the nexus crystals to power the circuit and open the hatch then destroy that warship i think little crypto just woke up all right poxy im tan rested and ready lets bring this crab pot to a boil bam right head for the bliss base and see if you can find those crystals ill keep scanning while youre inside if id lock onto the crystals ill let you know and be careful these bliss are a lot stronger anybody else i fought i got it dont worry ponzibee was right about one thing everybody cracks fabulous work the hatch is open now the part i know youve been waiting for call in the saucer crypto because its time to play no after bliss warship and remember dont waste your ammunition firing in the hull the only vulnerable spot is inside that thruster Music well its about time yes the crabbies wont screw with us now not after what i did to their warship dont get cocky crypto theres still at least one loose end left to tie up you may have destroyed the bliss base but we still dont have milling call hey pie she seen the blonde babushka shes supposed to meet me here no i havent as a matter of fact you havent even properly introduced us yeah well im trying to impress her oh relax i have more pressing matters than torpedoing your grand designs actually i was hoping she could help us track down millenkov perhaps shes with agent sergey Music you know her always working shes probably just looking for leads on milan call quite possibly she is most efficient perhaps agent sergey is helping her she better not be man i have had it with that smug jerk off look at me im so handsome im so smart i read poetry i wrestle bears regardless you should probably find natalya she may even need your assistance Music good snoop around somebody must have seen her and wouldnt you know it i always had a lobster thats your love just the cat i wanted to see i see the kgb caught up with you doc what do you think theyll do to you now i expect either torture me or give me to blisk for doing with as they are pleasing perhaps you could be helping me out of here duh love to doc but i gotta find that first ill swing back by if i get a chance Music you havent seen a hot blonde cheek around here have ya names natalia i did alien creature was taking pretty woman up to alien base oh shes tough cookie was putting up quite a straddle if they heard a hair on her sexy little head im gonna boil every last one of them well they are only passing by short time ago if you hurry you might catch them uh when finished perhaps you could be rescuing me as well ill just wait krypto take london youre here the world ah for crying out tell me you use protection uh or dont they teach sex ed in the young pioneers hello sorry to rain on your communist party but uh in case you havent noticed your little base looks like keith moon redecorated youve lost such plaster such arrogance youre beginning to sound like real american you soon youll be wearing cowboy head and speaking in mono syllables says you the truth is this base means nothing at this very moment we are preparing to initiate the final phase of operation solaris from our ultra secret men facility on the moon its the ultimate fruition of the stalinist nighthill what a shame neither of you will be there to see it goodbye leave me stop knew Music keep your kakashnik on doll face you think im flying to the moon without you trip well done critter you saved the princess er natalia you should probably go over it you know make sure shes all right or something just go tavares look it sucks and melanchov got away but i couldnt let you you know i know crypto and thank you but we still have to stop melinkov and hes halfway to the moon by now ah what are we going to do uh hello have saucer will travel i was wondering when youd ask your saucer can take both of us all the way to the moon you kidding ive done so many mods on that baby shell give you everything but the happy ending nice of you to join me hey doll face you seen my new weapon yet dar crypto very impressive well you know what they say big guns large arsenal you know thats maybe the clumsiest innuendo youve ever attempted thanks i wrote it myself give me the scoop doll face what do we know about this blisk base not much other than it seems to be the main blisk stronghold it contains their hive and the weapon they plan to use to destroy earth and thats bad see see im really getting this by stuff huh tell me about the hive im guessing it aint filled with honey yet the hive contains all the blisk spores hundreds of thousands of them and the spores feed voraciously on radioactive materials radiation why did it have to be radiation okay what do we know about this bliss weapon its an organic spore shooter and it too needs radiation to charge itself geez and off with the radiation my nads are shriveling like crazy okay sexy whats the plan we must find a way to prevent the proliferation of the blisk spores our intel shows the spores derive energy from massive radiation we need to cut off their radiation supply so we can slow them down radiation why does it always have to be radiation so how do they get their radiation supply their lunar rovers deliver radioactive materials from the mine to the base i want you to follow one of the rovers to the mining site is that all i thought it was gonna be some hard you got it babe no time for chitchat lets get down to brass tacks hey pox you ever noticed there seems to be a lot of crates lying around just random crates i mean what could they all be for you cant tell me anybody needs this many crates just lying around i guess if they were being used for something then then i could understand so many crates i think they got the hint crypto all right fox i need some serious intel on moon based solaris right moon based solaris consists of two primary areas the blisk base and the cosmonaut base like two loaves of the same twisted mind you know you got a pretty cushy job here i do all the fighting while you just sit around eating bon bons in case you hadnt noticed cryptosporidium i have no body and nobody cares for you Laughter get it box Laughter i loathe you okay what about the cosmonauts well theyre just humans of course albeit the cream of soviet citizenry they think their leaders here represent some sort of shadowy kremlin cabal of course the bliss have been playing them like puppets not that they realize it theyre so proud if they knew how the bliss were using them theyd be furious okay what do we know about the blisk aside from their ugly hissing they are indeed a most repulsive race and incredibly vicious further they treat their workers very badly and have offensively short tempers any resemblance to present company is completely coincidental sounds to me like we need to send the cosmonauts a little wake-up call not a bad idea a crowd seems to be assembling in the cosmonaut base why dont you check it out i think its time the puppets met their masters hmm i got it turn the cosmonauts against the bliss this is gonna be fun is this thing on ah good day comrades comrade cosmonaut leonid why we have to working such long hours at hard labor question the bliss have you guys working way too hard and you know what its time we did something about it whos with me oh leonard is right bliskevicks of taking advantage of our good natures but leonid why we have to leaving beloved country and coming to this hellhole da is being versed in verkloyansk in february thats what im saying no air no chicks this place sucks and its all the blisks fault leonid is saying what were all thinking but leonid why we are never seeing beloved premier milinkov anymore duh he used to be flying up frequently for surprise holiday photo ops mission accomplished that was being good one you think he cares about you guys he has a driver two mistresses a black seat beach house and a fat swiss bank account if thats communism sign me up is true milkov is being very corrupt you telling them leonid leonid why we are not being allowed an area northeast of here da what are you having to hide why because thats where the bliss base is thats why and they dont want you finding out that theyre a bunch of giant lobsters from outer space lobster some space what kind of dumb cups are you taking us for the kind that let giant lobsters from outer space take over their whole freaking country apparently this is making go sensely in it what evidence are you having to mistrust bliskovics evidence theyre controlling your minds i am thinking comrade cosmonaut leonard is drinking too much revelate theyve taken over your entire government comrade leonid is perhaps watching too much american television theyre giant drinking lobsters from outer freaking space we are seeing long-term psychological effects of space travel poor leonid theyre taking away your vodka oh this this is being outraged anything else can being endured if we are having vodka without vodka russia would have been democracy 200 years ago this will not be standing there is being no such thing as free lunch blizzcon yeah give me vodka or give me death duh yeah so what does this mean for the bliskovics bad news for the police comics thats the spirit now get out there find the bliss and kill them crabbys dead for what Applause Music well hey pops im working on a major hangover here tell me again why were here at moon base solaris im astonished crypto need i remind you of the plans of the blisk uh yeah thats kind of my point if we dont stop them theyll launch their mysterious weapon at earth unleashing ark foodle knows what hell on all our virgin furon dna oh those plants ride right gotcha okay pox ive cut off the source of the blisks radiation demolished the bliss cosmonaut alliance and basically provoked an all-out war around solaris i say its time we take this fight to the crabbies themselves i think youre right well why in the hell you do i do and i even have an ace up our sleeve to destroy the blisk once and for all Applause hurry parks what is it what is what your plan for destroying the bliss the what you said you had an ace up your sleeve brains i cant think with that infernal noise Applause what the hell is that oh no thats the launch sequence alert the bliss are launching their weapon well maybe its not so bad dream on those sadists are incapable of anything less than full scale annihilation Applause holy crap all this work hours of gameplay and youre telling me we failed im afraid so crypto once it started theres no way to stop it oh one doomed well never get that pure dna back to the home world now our race will clone itself right into the genetic trash bin of history oh tragedy Music unless unless if we overload the laser guidance system the weapon might fear off target laser guidance system what laser guidance system the dishes crypto overload the fishes do the dishes protect the earth save the furon dna got it man whatever happened to destroying all humans let this be a lesson to you crypto the best play plans can be derailed by an unexpected case of the krabs now go well cryptosporidium once again you showed unexpected plug youve stopped my weapon launching pretty really we had such glorious renovation planes for that pathetic little planet but no matter youve nearly stabbed off the inevitable you cant fight progress furon get this through your monkey brain melanchov we own that planet and theres not a damn thing that you or your ruski pals can do about it such plaster such overconvenience yet still you cant see the big picture i wonder would you feel so arrogant if you know the full scope of our fiendish master plan millie im gonna probe you so hard youre gonna be wearing diapers for a month i already take a weekly high colonic but thank you for the offer on the other hand i wonder would you be so bold if you knew our devilish master plan you two big ten horn petty tyrant i fought bigger than you you think just because you can keep a few depressed peasants in line you can go toe-to-toe with me im the king of the world the master of disaster the baddest dude in the whole damn town king kong aint got nothing on me king kong died cryptosporidium i wonder would you be so sure of yourself if you knew our fiendish master plan geez you guys just gotta have your monologues dont you okay i give whats your damn master plan let me guess you and the blisk are gonna spread those spores and enslave humanity commies and crabbies a match made in heaven small minds no imagination its nothing so mundane we dont give a damn about humanity cryptosporidium but we want from earth is the same thing you want survival so the krabbies want a new crib whats wrong with mars mars is a desert a nested wasteland your fur on sought to death but earth earth is three-fifths water all it lacks is massive radioactivity to become a new eden and irradiated ocean paradise for bliss but what about the russians your people cant live in that my people oh you really arent very bright are you why do you say weve waged cold war encouraged the buildup of nuclear arms crude god what sane human would pursue such obvious suicide 1908 bliss warship crashes 1917 act of revolution to the math you of all creatures should know aliens among us youre not suggesting suggesting im telling you lenny stalin khrushchev trotsky please dont be ridiculous we hope that russian is so close to bliskish no coincidence of course the four ones arent the only race who ever used earth for sure live face it critosporidium your foreign scheme the history of the soviet union is the history of police on earth the loss of our sports is a blow but in the end it makes no difference soon earth will be ours no more humans no more full of dna and theres not a goddamn thing you can do about it lets drop your cryptosporidium Music Music Music well hey parks oh whats it like being one of the floating dead its quite peaceful actually quiet no noise or distractions certainly no violence no wars or fighting of any kind frankly its boring the phlegm off me i hate it i want a new clone body i almost feel sorry for the poor guy almost now would be a good time to tell me about that ace up your sleeve you mentioned octopus loins id almost forgotten crypto youre a genius using pox lab ive created a new virus that will infect and kill the blisk catchy lets hope so ive arranged for it to be delivered to the moon by a new courier company oh whats the name the north american shipping association anyway everyone calls them nasa you wouldnt believe the cost of shipping to developing galaxies i should mention though there have been some uh complications give me the scoop on this virus its been a while since i had a flu shot super retrovirus omgwtf it attacks the brisk on a molecular level causing spontaneous cellular combustion poof no more bliss okay ill bite what kind of complications the delivery men are refusing to land without clearance from their boss a fellow called houston theyre just hovering there waiting for orders and let me guess were gonna give them those orders right exactly yeah im a regular rich little okay lets get contagious Music Music houston tranquility base here the eagle has landed Music thats Music thats one small step for man one giant leap for mankind thats it what one small step for man one giant leap for mankind seven months and thats the best you could come up with but you didnt like it no i didnt like it its crap whered you find it on a cereal box i thought it sounded profound profound you wouldnt know profound if it hit you over the head with a camo novel you think merv griffins a deep thinker listen mister im getting a little tired of your lip oh yeah commander big shot what are you gonna do about it pull the plug on this mission thats what sorry houston but i cant work another second with this jackass get in the car get in the car Music more once Music so goldie how am i glad to see you you wont believe it the bliss skirt planning to kill humanity and turn earth into an irradiated water world i know oh well uh the good news is parks has concocted a virus which will cause the bliss to spontaneously combust i know oh how do you know im a spy its what i do okay well uh so what are we gonna do were going to bring these flocci to their knees thats what ill release the virus you just keep those crabbies off me while i do it theyre not touching the hair on your pretty little head doll face trust me theyd better not i told you im allergic to shellfish but one way or another tavares this base is coming down hard i am so turned on right now i gotta ask in that how do you get into that suit shoehorns and vaseline baby if thats a pickup line were a match made in heaven so what do we know about this blisk base exactly we know its split into two domed sections and its swarming with bliss warriors very unfriendly also the entire base is organic alive and much of it radioactive uh well guess if it was easy everybody be doing it huh hey its only the feed of our species right we can do this im ready are you ready da conrad im ready and spaceman good hunting rock and roll bye honey weve done it comrade we sure did dollface we saved the earth we killed the bliss i am pleased to have helped you vanquish your foes hey you know after a while that big blue mud ball starts to grow on ya i mean at first you think its a boil but its all right crypto you dont have to pretend i know how you feel about humans well not all humans natalia Music youre gonna pay for that you son of a so Music Music crypto ive been ringing you for hours what in the galaxys going on out there sorry poxy uh just working on a little science project wait trip too youre finally showing an interest i knew one day youd make an excellent scientist if only you were probably motivated what is it physics biology little above a little up wait a minute im detecting residual heat from the cloning lab crypto you did it listen you little pustule if anyones getting a new clone around here it had better be me who was that creeptuska telemarketer nothing to worry your sexy little head about whatever you say my insatiable alien loves her wake me up when youre ready for re-entry i made a few adjustments you steam donkey board game ❤️Thanks for watching and dont forget to SUBSCRIBE 🔔 Destroy All Humans! 2: Reprobed 2022 Remake All Cutscenes and Dialogue Main Story Mode The Movie HD This video may contain video game simulated graphic violence which some viewers may find it disturbing. 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